Giving feedback is truly an art. It’s not just about following a set of rules or learning specific techniques; there’s much more to it. You have to:
- Find the right tone and choose the appropriate occasion.
- Understand how to tailor feedback to suit a person’s individual personality.
- Discuss someone’s behavior and results objectively, without making it personal.
- Offer advice for improvement that focuses on the future rather than implying that something was wrong in the past.
I know, these are plenty of “you have tos.” And that is why, when you can provide ongoing feedback without leaving a trail of scorched earth behind, you truly become an artist at it.
To get started, consider the following situations:
- You are at a conference, and you listen to an extraordinary talk from someone you don’t know.
- Same situation, but now the results presented are still outstanding, but the person lacks presentation skills making for a hard to follow and somewhat boring talk.
How would you give feedback in those situations? The first one seems pretty straightforward. Saying something nice to someone is easy.
But being nice is different from giving positive feedback.
Rule #1: Give feedback with intention and make it specific.
Feedback should be more than a statement of your perception of something. Think upfront about what kind of information would be helpful for the receiver of your feedback. Providing specific examples and details supports your feedback. In our example, instead of saying, “Your talk was great,” you could share, “I was impressed by your analysis of… ”
By providing a specific example of why you liked the talk, you also give information about which part of the research is extraordinary. This helps the feedback receiver to further work on their talk.
The second situation is trickier. How do you provide feedback about something to improve to a stranger? First of all, ask yourself if it is necessary and appropriate at all, taking the situation (big conference, super results, stranger) into account.
If the speaker is aware of the poor presentation skills, why should you even talk about it? You cannot add valuable insight to the knowledge base of this person. And even if they are not aware, what purpose does it serve? Is this feedback about helping them or is it about you wanting to make a point?
Personally, I like getting feedback, even if it is something I am already aware of. This shows me that my behavior is also noticed by others and worth their while talking about. But not everyone thinks like me about this. According to rule #1, you should think about why you are about to give feedback. Again, is this about them or has it more to do with how you feel?
Consider that there is also the approach of not giving any unsolicited feedback. Stefanie learned this at Heroic Public Speaking, a business helping people become better speakers. In this environment, speakers learn to shut down unsolicited advice right away. They get their feedback from professionals or people they trust. And they know how to elicit the feedback they need. They do not undermine their confidence or their creative freedom by opening themselves up as a free for all, especially when the expertise of the person giving feedback is not adequate.
Now in your team, this may be a different situation. You are not working with strangers, you are working with people who signed up to be trained by you. And still, being intentional about what you need to convey and how to do this in order to be received by the person you are talking to is essential.
But let’s say you decide to give feedback to this stranger after all (all these rules also apply to giving feedback to your team members or peers), follow:
Rule #2: Recognize areas for improvement but also positives.
While it’s important to address areas for improvement, also acknowledge the person’s strengths and achievements. Recognize their efforts and highlight what they did well. In our example, I recommend starting as stated in rule #1 by acknowledging the exceptionally well done analysis. This helps establish a relationship and signals that you don’t want to be confrontational. Your good intention is clearer.
Rule #3: Ask for permission to give feedback.
This should probably be Rule #1. No matter if you give feedback to a stranger or a team member, it’s a good idea to ask if they want your feedback (about their presentation style or your ideas for making improvements or in general(. Don’t make this a rhetorical question and respect when the answer is “no”. Feedback on undesired or inappropriate behaviors is different. You don’t need permission for that, especially if your role is to create or maintain a safe and productive work environment.
There are people who are easily discouraged or defensive even if your feedback is well-intentioned. We don’t have to be open to feedback by anybody. In fact, it’s unfortunate that we don’t teach our teams better skills in saying no to feedback or in being very specific about the feedback they need. This is something, I encourage you to practice with your team. Put them in charge of their feedback. Have them be specific about the feedback that would be useful to them. And also empower them to articulate when feedback would be harmful to their creative process or if they are not in the right frame of mind to receive feedback.
For the improvement part, you want to follow:
Rule #4: Focus on behavior and facts, not the person.
Direct your feedback towards the person’s actions, not their character or personality. This helps avoid sounding judgmental or personal. For example, say, “I noticed that your slides are very text-heavy. In one case, you had 30 bullet points on one slide, making it very difficult for me to read it.”
Rule #5: Be constructive and specific about improvement.
Adding advice on how to improve and offering help or a solution, you increase the possibility that your feedback is received as an opportunity for growth. When discussing areas for improvement, provide actionable suggestions or solutions. Offer guidance on how they can enhance their performance or skills. Instead of saying, “You need to improve your presentation skills,” say, “I did that myself, but then I took this wonderful course for scientific presentation which has been an eye-opener to me. They teach you how to craft effective slides to let your research shine even more. I can share with you which course I took, if you like.”
We also used additional principles in our statements above. But before we discuss them, think about how your feedback would be if the person in our two examples is a team member of yours whom you know very well. How would your feedback change in tone and content?
Now it becomes even more important to make sure not to break a lot of China. You built this relationship over years. This is a good starting point to give feedback without hesitation but is can also be a burden. Remember that feedback is meant to be constructive, not destructive. That is why I call it “constructive” not “negative” feedback.
Rule #6: Practice constructive criticism.
Feedback should always be perceived as positive and encouraging, especially when you address areas of improvement. Avoid personal attacks, sarcasm, cynicism, or overly harsh language. Frame your feedback as an opportunity for growth and improvement, and maintain a respectful and supportive tone throughout the conversation.
Feedback is also not a one-time event. If you practice feedback in your team on a regular basis, you will improve in your delivery.
That’s why you should follow:
Rule #7: Encourage regular feedback in your team.
With some clients, I implemented a daily feedback routine where each team member is supposed to give at least one piece of feedback to another team member once a day. When giving feedback becomes a habit, it is an easy avenue for continuous improvement for everyone. You still have to follow the “feedback etiquette,” but if the positive intention of the feedback is crystal clear to everyone, you don’t have to follow it that strictly.
A very good point to give feedback is at the end of each (team) meeting about the quality of the meeting. We recommend assigning a team member to be the “observer” of the meeting and to rotate who is in charge of this role. This observer can share their impressions, e.g., whether you achieved all goals or not, whether the meeting was well-prepared, whether there was active listening, whether all agenda points were addressed, whether the tone of your conversations or the team energy was adequate, etc.
As I said before, we used some more basic rules in all our examples above. These are:
Rule #8: Use “I” language instead of “You.”
Frame your feedback from your perspective using “I” statements to make it less accusatory and more about your personal experience. It also implies that another person may have perceived the situation differently. For instance, say, “I felt overwhelmed when you assigned me this research project without discussing it beforehand,” rather than, “You never ask me beforehand.” The content is the same, but the message sent is different because of the tone.
Rule #9: Be timely with your feedback.
Offer feedback as soon as possible after the event or behavior you want to address. Timely feedback ensures that the details are fresh in both parties’ minds, increasing the likelihood of effective communication and understanding. I once had a boss who started my annual performance meeting in December every year like this: “On March 24th, you wrote a report about ‘bla-bla-bla.’ It took me 4 hours to correct it. On April 2nd….” And so it went on. The value of feedback like this is zero since I had no opportunity throughout the year to adjust how I worked.
If you master these rules when giving feedback, you are much more likely to make an impact.
But there is another special ingredient you need to add to your feedback: Empathy! Empathy empathy can be practiced by receiving feedback on your feedback, by actively observing and analyzing the reaction of the receiver of your feedback, and by examining the feelings that feedback triggers for you.
Giving feedback that is not only received but heard and implemented is an art!
Robert