By Stefanie & Robert
“Sometimes, as a leader, you have to dine alone in the cafeteria without your team.” I (Robert) remember one of my superiors saying this when I worked in the corporate world and I experienced this “lonely” aspect of being a leader often. It underscored one leadership principle: When you step into a leadership role, you take on responsibility not just for yourself but initially for a team, possibly later for an entire department, and maybe, with some luck and skill, for even more people.
It’s a thing of beauty and sometimes of great stress to be responsible for a team’s results. That includes getting the work done that you signed up for with your department, university, and funders. But it also entails taking care of people, creating an environment that is conducive to high performance but doesn’t burn people out. It’s about hitting the right balance between providing feedback but not constantly criticizing, between letting people do their thing but also providing enough guidance and support. For the two of us, leading a team well remains one of the most enjoyable yet at the same time emotionally taxing level of responsibility. The toll it can take on you as a leader if you are not prepared to deal with the emotional repercussions of your work is what we want to address this week.
The consequences of not developing strategies to maintain emotional balance can be profound. Without such strategies, emotional strain can lead to burnout, decision-making paralysis, or even deteriorate team dynamics. It can be difficult to make clear and consistent decisions when plagued by self-doubt or regret. In the long term, this can also hinder your career progression, as you may be perceived as an ineffective leader.
1. Being Objective as a Leadership Tool
This may not come as a surprise but is surprisingly hard to do given our human nature. We are creatures who think in stories and have emotional reactions. That’s normal and important to acknowledge and embrace. Yet when it comes to decision-making, being objective is undoubtedly one of the most valuable strategies we can share.
One example is deliberating whether you let a team member go because there is something not working out. Often we do have very strong emotions associated with the “something not working out” or the notion of prematurely parting ways with team members. This may (sub)consciously cause you to question your leadership or you may feel quite frustrated or angry because you are paying someone who does not deliver or lacks integrity or influences other team members in negative ways. Even though it is normal for you to feel emotions about this or to construct a story about who this person is, it’s crucial to have solid and objective reasons for making the decision .
Your first task is to identify the decision-making metrics. Next, communicate them to the team members. This not only helps the affected person understand the decision but also gives you a sense of justified confidence.
As a leader, you’re inevitably in a position to make emotionally challenging decisions. Whether it’s terminating an employee, one of the hardest decisions, or rejecting a vacation request due to looming deadlines, such decisions are seldom pleasant. The importance of thoughtful decision-making cannot be overstated. Document the reasons leading to a team member’s departure, and look for specific examples of unmet expectations or uncooperative behavior. Similarly, carefully consider whether denying a vacation request is indeed the only option to meet a deadline, and document your thought process. Such critical reflection before making a decision objectifies your choice and minimizes the emotional burden that comes with it. Without this step, decisions can seem arbitrary and leave a space filled with doubt and emotional strain.
Moreover, being objective helps address another challenge in daily leadership: increased exposure to criticism. Being in a leadership position inevitably puts you more in the spotlight, requiring you to deal with a wider range of feedback. Having an objective basis for your decisions not only strengthens your stance but also promotes a culture of transparency and trust within the team.
By learning to be objective with your decisions in this way, you strengthen your leadership role and lay the groundwork for an open, responsible, and resilient team culture.
2. Embrace the Inevitability of Mistakes
Fear of making mistakes is a common companion in daily leadership, but perfectionism can do more harm than good. Taking on new tasks is almost always accompanied by uncertainties, and it’s perfectly normal for not everything to go smoothly right away. Making mistakes is inevitable and a valuable tool for progress. They are not signs of weakness or incompetence but milestones on the path to personal and professional development.
A constructive approach to mistakes starts with self-acceptance. Allow yourself to make mistakes and view each misstep as an opportunity to learn something new. This shift from self-criticism to self-reflection is crucial. Analyze what went wrong and identify the causes. This reflection allows you to develop concrete steps for improvement and avoid similar mistakes in the future. In fact, a better metric than “have I made a mistake” is: “How often do I repeat the same mistakes”? This, too, is a powerful teaching point for your team members to internalize.
Being open about your own mistakes also sets a strong example for your team. It creates an atmosphere where mistakes are recognized as part of the learning process. This fosters a culture of openness, trust, and continuous improvement. By sharing your experiences and the lessons learned, you demonstrate that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as you’re willing to learn from them and evolve.
Moreover, accepting and constructively addressing mistakes strengthens trust within the team. It also is an essential element of psychologically safe cultures. When team members see that mistakes are met not with negative consequences but with support and learning opportunities, they are encouraged to bring forward innovative ideas and take risks. This significantly boosts team creativity and productivity.
Ultimately, realizing that fear of mistakes often paralyzes more than the mistakes themselves allows you to overcome this fear and focus on growth and progress. This opens the way for effective leadership characterized by authenticity, adaptability, and a continuous pursuit of improvement.
3. Relieve Yourself from the Pressure to Succeed
The pressure to constantly succeed can be a significant emotional burden. This pressure is often fueled by internal beliefs that our worth as leaders is directly linked to our achievements. This mindset leads to a state of constant self-monitoring and criticism, where every decision, project, and piece of feedback becomes a measure of personal worth. The key to emotional balance is to free yourself from this pressure.
Success should not be defined as the constant achievement of ever-higher goals but as the ability to perform excellent work from which successes naturally follow. Set realistic goals and recognize that true leadership competence takes time to develop. It’s important to understand that success is often a byproduct of perseverance, flexibility, and the ability to learn from mistakes–not the result of constant pressure or stress.
Accepting this insight can be emotionally challenging, as it requires moving away from deeply ingrained beliefs and behavioral patterns. Many leaders fear that letting go of the pressure to constantly succeed will be seen as weakness or lead to a decline in their performance. However, in reality, it allows for a healthier, more balanced approach to leadership and work. It promotes an environment where learning and development are prioritized over the fear of failure.
4. Delegate Decisions to the Team
Delegating decisions to the team is not only a management task but also a profound emotional challenge for many leaders. The fear of losing control, coupled with the concern that the team might not make the ‘right’ decisions, can lead to significant emotional strain. This strain often manifests as stress, overwork, and ultimately a sense of isolation because of the belief that one must bear all burdens alone.
Training the team to make independent decisions and carefully considering how much responsibility to delegate are crucial steps in reducing this emotional burden. By fostering a culture of accountability and trust, you not only set clear expectations but also create a space for initiative. This process boosts the team’s confidence and simultaneously relieves you by distributing decision-making across multiple shoulders.
The emotional benefits of this strategy are significant. By learning to place trust in your team’s abilities and to delegate responsibility, you can cultivate deeper connections and a stronger sense of community within the team. This not only helps with your workload but also increases satisfaction and motivation for everyone involved. The initial fear and uncertainty of delegating decisions are far outweighed by the positive emotional and practical impacts.
Another key aspect is the emotional resilience built both in you and your team members through this process. Empowering the team to make decisions prepares them for successes and failures alike, teaching valuable lessons from both. This learning process is essential for developing a robust, adaptable, and confident group.
Ultimately, successful delegation of decisions reduces feelings of overwhelm and solitude at the top. It allows you to focus on more strategic tasks while fostering your team members’ growth. The emotional burden created by holding onto decision-making power is replaced with trust in the team and shared achievements. This change can profoundly affect your well-being and satisfaction as a leader, fostering a sense of connection and collective success.
5. You Are Not Alone: The Importance of Support and Networking
Facing challenges that are both novel and emotionally taxing is part of being a leader. However, it’s vital to recognize that you are not undergoing these experiences in isolation. Many have navigated similar situations before you, and many will follow. Often, the key to addressing these challenges lies in community and exchange. Actively seek connections with like-minded individuals or engaging with an experienced coach or mentor.
Coaches or mentors offer not just practical advice and strategies but also emotional support during tough times. Our suggestion is to make sure the people you work with actually walk the talk (they are or were in leadership positions, set high standards for themselves, and live in integrity with those standards. A guide who experienced the ups and downs of leadership can be invaluable. They provide perspectives that help you view your own experiences in a new light and uncover solutions you might not have considered on your own.
Moreover, exchanging ideas with peers provides a platform for empathy and understanding unique to those facing similar challenges. In an atmosphere of openness and trust, you learn how other leaders manage their emotional strains and realize that your feelings and experiences are widespread. This realization alone can significantly alleviate the burden and break the isolation often accompanying leadership roles.
We just completed one of our institutional PostDoc/NewPI programs. The participants have found the exchange with others about the challenges, fears and uncertainties extremely valuable.
Ultimately, realizing that you are not alone is liberating. It encourages you to seek help when needed and to offer it when you can. This mutual exchange not only fosters your growth as a leader but also strengthens the leadership community as a whole. By networking and building supportive relationships, you can navigate and overcome the emotional challenges of leadership, thereby enhancing both your and your team’s resilience and autonomy.
– Stefanie & Robert